Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So vagazzling was a success
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize