Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
