i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize