The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
