your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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