I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
