I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
