she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
