I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
