i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just pee around me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
