I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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