This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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