i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
