Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
