I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
