just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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