you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
