About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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