it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
