So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
