We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
