He told me they were just razor bumps!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
