You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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