weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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