you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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