3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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