Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
