I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
