I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize