Umm I'm too high to move.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
