The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I hate all girls vehemently.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
