My hand turned me down
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
