Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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