And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
