I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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