dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
