I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
