They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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