I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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