Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
