So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
