you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
