She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
