I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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