Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
