Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
