where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize