screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
