I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
