no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
