I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
