my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
