I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
