We're facebook friends in real life
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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