It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize