I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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