Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
