You're completely useless in the revolution.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
