Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
