i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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