why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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