Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I love having hate sex.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
