I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize