I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
