Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
