found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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