I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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