Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
