I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
