Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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